Venting + asking for advice

Yesterday i noticed the bad habbit in my family what made me suffer throughout my life. Im struggling with being kind and relating with love to myself, i dont say i hate myself, but i dont know what is actually loving yourself feels, or being kind. I always interpret it as a feeling, cause love is a feeling, but when im down i cant feel the love cause either im sad or im angry, and its impossible to feel love when you feel anger. So its been weeks now that something has slowly building up in me, and the last drop to it was when i was talking with my brother and he said i dont do nothing, i never do this i never do that, and this shit makes me angry cause no matter how many times you do something, one time you say no, you never did anything, you never helped them, that one time i didnt do something erases the other times i did it, and this happens alot of times in my family. Its always that i dont do nothing, i just lay in bed, yet i have i job, i have my own money and its been years that my parents doesnt have to give me any money, yet i dont do anything and i dont deserve any praise. Whats funny is that last week we bought a car and I paid almost half of the price of the car and i didnt even heard a "thank you" from my dad. But i heard today "you dont do anything" again. And when i tell them what i do, its always "this is normal this doesnt deserve praise". Yesterday was the time i realized that im not actually loved. Im only good if i do something really big, me having a job and having my own money is normal, i dont deserve love for that... it was so traumatizing, when i hit me that im not actually loved, and this made me so sad and since than it feels like im overreacted cause im keep spinning about it and i dont have alot of energy, it really stressed me out.i even thought about moving but im hesitant with it cause i dont have anyone to move with, i would live alone which is a bad idea. Loneliness would make things worse. But i think this is just an overreaction, not the sadness, but the thinking about moving and all that. And that i feel really bad for a long time now, its just makes me powerless, i know that this means i dont process these feelings in the right way. Im really grumpy and i dont want to talk with anyone, expecially with my family. Can you give me advicea what should help me go through this and not overreact it, just move through it soberly? Also i want to learn how to love myself, what it means and how to be kind with myself without cringing or feeling like im avoiding the problem, im just being nice with myself...