KatKaatie
- Date posted
- 1y
feels too real
feels like i’m in deep denial idk wtf to do i’m freaking out i can’t sleep i just want to feel normal again 😭😭😭 i wanna be a girl not a boy 😭😭
bebecoll30bebecoll30
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
H! I have this same theme and i understand how hard and debilitating it is. My thoughts are so degrading and bully me. My ocd will say that deep down i want to be a boy and im just hiding it from everyone. I was in the same position as you, couldn’t sleep couldn’t eat couldn’t do anything because i was so scared of the thoughts. But being scared of them, is the very clarity that’s needed. it’s not a desire, it’s a fear. People who are transgender do not fear themselves and feel sad and depressed because they have this issue. They will most likely tell you that it’s when they feel most like themselves, us on the other hand it flips our whole world upside down and makes us feel foreign to our own bodies and mind.
KatKaatieKatKaatie
- Date posted
- 1y
@bebecoll30 what has been getting you through these tough times? i got on zoloft and im really going through a hard time
KatKaatieKatKaatie
- Date posted
- 1y
@bebecoll30 the suicidal thoughts are really about to take me out idk what to do anymore
bebecoll30bebecoll30
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
@Ksch24 the best thing we can do for ourselves is accept the thoughts. OCD wraps around the things we love and are important to us. It sounds like the two of us really value being a woman and have always felt that way. This was my first theme with ocd, and it literally came out of nowhere. It started with sexual orientation related and spiraled into full blown transgender ocd where i was literally hyper aware of my arm hairs and wanted to shave them off, my ocd was pushing me to try on my fiancés clothing to prove to myself that I’d never wear it, it would attack me in the mirror when i was trying to do my makeup. It will say “you are a boy” or will fixate on certain characters on tv or in books and ask me if i related more to men than women and if deep down i really want to be a man. it is scary as ever, i understand more than anyone. This theme is pure torture. Medication, i am in Zoloft 200mg. I’ve been on it for 5 years now and there were great years in between where my ocd when into complete remission. Unfortunately this past year i had a relapse and haven’t been able to fully come out of it. Since September 2023 ocd has affected me daily in some way. The best advice i can give you is make friends with the thought. You are going to have to stop associating it as forbidden, gross, wrong or crazy. A thought is a thought. Just like the thought of needing to eat something because you are hungry. They are all the same nature. It is so important to understand that not everything you think is true. And if it causes distress, it’s probably not. Accepting the uncertainty and finding your core fear behind the thoughts is crucial too. I had the suicidal thoughts with this theme too, i was so distressed and told myself that if i couldn’t be who i really wanted to be and if this was true then i didn’t wanna be here anymore. Looking back, wasn’t that the answer i was looking for all along?? if i wanted to die because of these thoughts, they certainly aren’t true.
KatKaatieKatKaatie
- Date posted
- 1y
@bebecoll30 yeah that’s true but it’s hard for me to accept the thoughts and stuff it feels so real. i’m only 19 and i’ve always loved being a woman never once questioned it before until i saw a tiktok comment about tocd and i went from having sexual orientation ocd to this one. this one feels so much worse
bebecoll30bebecoll30
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
@Ksch24 That’s your answer right there girly. You saw something that triggered it. I totally understand, you aren’t alone. Let me know if you’d like to share more thoughts and we totally can! Sometimes it helps to find a friend with the same theme.
KatKaatieKatKaatie
- Date posted
- 1y
@bebecoll30 i would love to! ◡̈
bebecoll30bebecoll30
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
@Ksch24 Do you have group me app?
KatKaatieKatKaatie
- Date posted
- 1y
@bebecoll30 no i don’t, what’s that?
bebecoll30bebecoll30
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
@Ksch24 If you want to just exchange numbers I’m fine with that. Or you can download the group me app it’s a platform to connect with others through messaging.
KatKaatieKatKaatie
- Date posted
- 1y
@bebecoll30 my number is 8157517371
meowmeow meowmeow
- Date posted
- 1y
hi i don’t know if your still on here but i would love to talk ! i’m going thru the same thing
KatKaatieKatKaatie
- Date posted
- 1y
@meowmeow let’s talk! i’m still going through it
KatKaatieKatKaatie
- Date posted
- 1y
@Ksch24 do you have any social media platforms we can talk on?
KatKaatieKatKaatie
- Date posted
- 49w
@Anonymous i had to delete reddit it’s a compulsion for me :(
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sofiaraaah7
- Date posted
- 25w
It feels like my life is about to end
No I’m not attempting or anything. I am just really in a depressive state as of now. I am so convinced that my fear is real you don’t even know. I don’t know what to do. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in a reality where this is all gone. But honestly I don’t know if that would change anything. I’m scared that this is who I was all along, and I’ve just been delaying what I will eventually become. I don’t want to do ANYTHING that my intrusive thoughts say AT ALL. But honestly that doesn’t mean anything anymore. I’m so convinced of the thought “you’ve been doing it this whole time without realizing it.” I think it’s true now. I feel incredibly stuck. I just want to be hugged :(
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 22w
what can i do
it feels to real i feel like my heart is ripping apart. it feel like i dont love him, that i lost feelings, im hollow
landonw
- Date posted
- 18w
It’s Intense…
Today I woke up and immediately was flooded with intrusive thoughts. I was thinking about how I want to remembered when my time on earth is finished. I want to be remembered by my kindness and my heart. I want to be remembered by the lives i’ve changed. But then it hit me. What if you want to be a girl? What if you’re just telling yourself you don’t want to be a girl? I shouldn’t be scared, my family would love me no matter what I was. But this.. This is taking its toll on me. People call me maam all the time. I have feminine features and qualities.. It makes me question everything I know about my life. But I think what makes it worse is that i’m scared but don’t feel scared? Like I don’t feel intense fear like I once did. I know that I don’t want to be a girl. I don’t want boobs or long hair and nails. I have feminine qualities but I just exist. And this morning it’s hitting me very hard. I hate TOCD. I hate that I can’t just have one moment of peace. That it finds ways to seep into my life by finding areas i’m weakest in. I read other people’s stories and kinda do checking with it. And to make it all worse my for you page is FILLED with trans tiktok’s and peoples experiences. It’s making me mad. Why can’t I just be happy? Like everyone else in my house? Why did I inherit this stupid fucking disorder? And why do I question everything single thing about myself. First it was fear I was going to hurt someone and be a monster. And now it’s fucking thoughts of me wanting to be a girl?? Anyways have a nice day guys.
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