Rumination?

Hey I am a girl but I relate to this post. I have Ballet injuries that are my fault as well that could have been avoided if I worked harder in a specific way. At the same time I based my self worth on how much pain I was able to push through So this is a deep place of shame for me as well and I 100% get why you would wanna an escape from this. It was a long lonely journey to figure out who I was outside of dance. In full honesty I don’t have practical advice. But I do have this one life lesson (that I still struggle with lol) Every human has intrinsic value that never goes up or down. The reason working hard matters is so society can work together to survive but the point is not to be productive, it is to survive so we can just be. Even people with CRAZY views that think we should kill others for the greater good, only do that cause they care about lives in the first place. we miss THE answer that is right in front of us: We’re intrinsically worthy. Yes our actions have value in the sense they have a cause and effect, But doing good or bad at sports does not change your intrinsic worth. We shouldn’t do things to earn worth we should do things to help each-other and enjoy life. I truly think that PRIDE and SHAME are NOT opposites but the fuel of each other Humbleness is the cure. Which is UN-CONDITIONAL love for others and yourself Basically regardless of anything don’t love yourself more or less just focus on helping others💗 and when you make a moral mistake have “good-guilt” (which is empathy for the person you hurt that motivates you to change) Anyway my heart goes out to you 💔 and this is some really complex stuff that my words don’t explain as well as it did in my head haha 🤟

Personal opinion: I don’t think being depressed about being unable to play sports is a reason to start taking medications. I would only consider it if there was more than one other residual OCD symptom affirmed by your doctor/therapist.

That definitely sounds tough! I would try to focus on the things you CAN still do. Even the little things that we often take for granted, like being able to see, hear, speak, taste, etc. Same with any physical activities. I think you can still hike, bike, and swim with a fused ankle? I'm sure there are other things too. Maybe you can pick up new hobbies in place of running. Use this as an opportunity to explore and change, and who knows, people might look up to you as an inspiration. Personally I've had to significantly cut back on my running speed and frequency due to a chronic hip injury that may not go away for a while (or maybe ever). It had me pretty bummed for a bit, because I spend SO much time going to running groups. But I've actually been enjoying running at a slower pace and having really good and meaningful conversations with the slower runners. And I've used the down time to focus on things like playing and writing music. Losing the ability to do something you love sucks, and I know you're feeling guilty and regretful about your past actions, but life is one huge series of changes. Living a fulfilling life involves adapting to those changes. Thankfully we humans are pretty damn adaptable.