- Date posted
- 1y ago
Help
How do I stop the thoughts of false attraction towards a family member like my dad it won’t stop and I feel like such a bad and manipulative person
How do I stop the thoughts of false attraction towards a family member like my dad it won’t stop and I feel like such a bad and manipulative person
You can't stop them, you can stop reacting to them. Trying to stop them makes it worse.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. 🥺 Firstly I just want to say, they are intrusive thoughts. They are things that you do not want to think. You are not defined by your thoughts, okay?? Secondly, with OCD, the intrusive thoughts will only worsen the more you try to stop them. Let the thoughts pass, let the anxiety be there, don’t react to the thought, don’t judge it as good or bad, just let it pass. This will teach your OCD that it has absolutely no power over you. It’s not condoning what the thought is saying, but it’s letting the thought be there but have zero control over you. I know it’s easier said than done, I’ve finished OCD therapy and yet I still struggle on and off with this. We’ve got this. You are not a bad person. <3
@TigerCrusty I am a bad person if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be having these thoughts and I just want to be normal and I feel like when I cry about it I’m just being manipulative towards my family and that I’m just trying to make them feel bad but I don’t want them to feel bad I just want help and I want it to stop so I don’t have these constant thoughts and false feelings taking over my own love life with people I actually want to be attracted to like guys my age and whoever I’m attracted to who’s not a ficken family member
@Caitlin2820281 You are not a bad person. No one can control their intrusive thoughts. If I have intrusive thoughts about wanting to kill someone, and it gives me anxiety, makes me upset, etc. and all I want is to stop those thoughts, that is so incredibly different from someone who genuinely wants to kill someone, who encourages those thoughts and has no remorse by it. I’m not trying to reassure you, but you are NOT a bad person. You do not want these thoughts, and you cannot control them, no matter how much your mind might try to convince you that you can. I am sorry you’re dealing with this, and I hope you’re okay. Feel free to vent to me if you need to.
@Caitlin2820281 And to add, I used to struggle with the same thing. I’d have crude intrusive thoughts about family members and it made me want to hide in my room all day and it made me never want to face my family members. I’m still recovering from my OCD but I will say that things will not be like this forever. It seems hopeless in the moment but OCD is a monster that wants to convince you that you have control over things that you do not. Letting go of control is taking away the power from OCD
Holy cow, when I first developed really bad OCD, I felt like I was going to kiss my dad and brother on the lips. I flipped my s#!t. Then, while giving him a bath, I thought I was going to grab my nephew's pecker. I almost threw up with shame and disgust. LSS, don't sweat it, most of us have dealt with something comparable. Hang in there!!
First you need to understand that thoughts and actions are not the same. Thinking something and acting on in are completely different. We all have thousands of thoughts come and go every day. Some of them good, some of them funny, some of them sad and sone of them completely irrational. We can not choose which thoughts will come to our minds but we can choose how to treat these thoughts. Just because you think of somethink bad doesn't make you a bad person. Especially if this thought is giving you this much anxiety. Because deep down you know how against this thought to all your ethical and sociological values. This is the biggest trick of OCD. Attacking your values. Trying to make these thoughts go away only makes them stronger. Best thing you can do is to acknowledge the intrusive thought and then do nothing. Yes you are having and intrusive thought and yes you are experiencing great anxiety but you are choosing to ignore it. In this way your are taking back the power from these intrusive thoughts. I know it is easier said then done. And right now you may feel like it won't work and you may still feel like what if it is not OCD, what if it is real? However you feel just keep going. In fact make don't just ignore the thoughts, challenge them. Shiw them you are in charge here. You are the boss. You think about kissing your father, OK cool. So what. Welcome little thought it is good to hear you. Yes maybe i should do it. Maybe i should go kiss my father. How weird would that be, right? It would be a ridiculously funny thing to do, hahaha.
My OCD wants to keep switching “themes” on me, but once again it always concerns my mom or family. This time it’s sexual-related. The one I experience the most is the harm-related thoughts towards her, thinking I want to hurt her or thinking she abused me in the past (she did not) so that’s why I have these thoughts. My mind is always trying to see if there are deeper meanings to these thoughts and how I really feel. Yesterday my thoughts started going towards - “what if I’m attracted to my mom?” I was reading a book and it was a romantic scene and an image of my mom popped into my head. I tried to just dismiss it since I know we can’t control what comes into our heads, but I of course ruminated about it more and it has become a full-blown obsession. I have started wondering if I really am attracted to her or not, do I want to be in a relationship with her, am I just denying my feelings, etc. It sounds so disgusting and disturbing to share these things, but it’s difficult to disengage with this kind of thinking. Like it’s too disturbing to just let it go. Which leads to other worries like what if I can never be in a real relationship because I will just keep having these thoughts, what if this is true and how will I live with myself, what if my mom sexually abused me as a kid and that’s why I’m having these thoughts, etc. I know I’m going down the rabbit hole, but I just keep coming up with more and more “reasons.” Trying to go about my day and not pay them any attention, but it has been difficult to focus on anything else. Which then makes me wonder if I’m actually just fantasizing now and not actually obsessing.
I’m so tired of my OCD changing “themes.” And no matter what it changes to, it’s always directed towards a specific person - my mom. My mom and I are very close. I consider her my best friend and we live together. I can share anything with her and she’s very supportive. I’m 32 now, but harm ocd started when I was 15 and she was the main target back then as well. I had a bad flare up this year and the harm thoughts came back, but about a week ago they turned into sexual thoughts. Graphic thoughts and images about incest. These thoughts typically make me feel panic and dread, and just an overall depressed feeling. It has made me uncomfortable to be around my mom, since I can’t even look at her without a sexual thought or image popping up. Even watching a romantic scene in a show, listening a romantic song, etc. My brain wants to put an image of her in my head. Even me fantasizing about a man that I’m attracted to will replace the man with my mom. They just keep popping up. So this of course makes me think I actually want these things, and are actually fantasies. I have started to wonder if I’m in actual denial or that these are my true feelings. I have never been a relationship before due to not having much interest in it plus my mental health issues started as a teen, but someday I would like to get married. But now I’m thinking maybe I’ve never pursued a relationship with someone else because I’m actually in love with my mom and want to be with her, but I can’t so I’m just suppressing my feelings. And I do love my mom, but I question myself is this just platonic or familial love? Also questioning our relationship in general now - is it unhealthy or too dependent? It makes me feel doubt, since I have never really been in love before with someone else so I have nothing to compare it to. Always just crushes or finding a man attractive, and I identify as straight. But I also have not thought of my mom in a sexual way before, so I’m hoping this is just my OCD acting up. Even thinking about a future relationship with a man is making me feel nervous, since I think if I have feelings for my mom, will I ever be able to be in a serious relationship someday? If I’m with someone will I actually just picture her? It makes me feel hopeless, like I can’t help how I feel and what if these things are true? Would I act on them? My brain even made me think, “you want to ask your mom to be in a sexual relationship with you and/or want her to ask you.” I feel like such a pervert for writing that, like a truly disgusting person. I know I don’t want these things to be true, but what if they are and I can’t help how I feel? Again just feel doubt and uncertainty, that I’m in denial, and not to mention just feeling like a very sick individual.
This may upset some people reading so here is just a warning that these are disturbing I don’t know what to do to make the bad thoughts stop. My mom recently had a baby, my little brother. I wasn’t exactly happy about this pregnancy, but I have nothing against my brother. He’s adorable and silly. Nothing against him. But I feel like these thoughts bug me because what if deep down I do resent him because I didn’t want my mom to have another kid? What if I did act on these things because I hate him? What if I just lose it and do something? It’s all so illogical, I know. Never would I ever want to do that. But there’s times I’m watching him for a few minutes for my mom and my brain just shows me an awful scene of me brutally hurting him or killing him. Or I’ll be holding him and my brain shows me a scene where I purposefully drop him or I just hurt him so badly. I’ll be walking near him and my brain tells me I’m going to stomp on him. It shows me such bad things. I have intrusive thoughts all the time, but this is different because there’s a semi good reason I “could” do it. That being, I wasn’t happy about the pregnancy. And it scares me. I’ve started crying because I was so scared it was going to happen. I have to back up away from him or sit down so there’s no way I can do anything. I feel horrible. I don’t want to hurt him. And I’m so scared I will. But I won’t. I’m hoping this makes sense to others who struggle with this. Because to anyone else who’s never gone through these things I’ll sound insane. And sound like a psychopath. Thanks for reading. Any help would be appreciated.
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