Staying alone and lonely…

I’m seriously considering not bothering to have a relationship. After being single for twenty years at forty one and having a relationship that lasted less than twenty four hours I think why bother. Relationships just hurt. I don’t understand her thinking and why she said she’d been interested from the start. Why lie when you know how vulnerable I am? If anyone wants to complain about anything relationship related do so in the comments.

Username: number7number7

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

My boyfriend is very very understanding with my ocd. He puts me at peace when I feel I can never find it again. I didn’t think he would before I told him because his personality is so care free and he has literally the opposite brain as me, but I sat down and I explained everything and let him read through some of the explanations about it on Google and low and behold he is an angel. There is going to be someone who understands. Try getting out and doing more fun things and continue working on yourself with your ocd and the right one will come to you.

Username: OCDisHellOCDisHell

Date posted: 1y ago

I find relationships are much harder with OCD. I personally have over analyzed past relationships to a point where they are no longer desirable. I was married but my wife had an affair partially due to my lack of interest in intimacy. I explained to her that I was on a very high dose of Sertraline (200mg) and it had an impact on my libido but she obviously didn't care and decided to go outside the marriage. After the divorce I swore I would stay single for the rest of my life so I didn't have to go through the same pain and the uncomfortable conversations regarding sexual side effects of SSRIs with a new girlfriend. However after experiencing loneliness for close to 2 years I found my current girlfriend who is very understanding and truly loves me and accepts the annoying side effects of living with OCD. Keep your head up. There is someone for everyone out there. It's just about finding the right one. I believe honesty is the best policy as its not worth being with someone who doesn't accept you for you. Hope this helps. God bless

Username: NotSoNewb82NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 1y ago

@OCDisHell In a few ways atm people are just not treating me with respect regardless of my illness. They always have and I don’t know how to fix it. I’ve taken to avoidance, even moving long distances to some place new.

Username: OCDisHellOCDisHell

Date posted: 1y ago

@NotSoNewb82 You can't "fix" others as far as the way they treat you nor should you accept someone who treats you poorly but you can hope to find someone who accepts you for you and loves you unconditionally. This is a challenge for all people regardless of mental health issues. We all seek out an ideal partner. In regards to OCD, avoidance is not recommended, however you have to live your life happy. Some people find being alone brings them happiness while others find that loneliness makes them miserable. You have to do what makes YOU happy and let the cards fall where they may. I hope you find someone that makes you happy and if not that you can be happy regardless if you have someone else. God bless.

Username: Wolfram Wolfram

Date posted: 1y ago

Don't try figure it out. You'll likely never know what was going through their head, good, bad or them just not knowing what they want. Closure seeking or trying to make sense of it can lead to ruminating. Just know sometimes people just dunno wtf they're doing. Ourselves included. I know people in relationships with ocd, it's possible mate. Don't give up but you don't have to look for it. Just get into situations where you meet new people with no expectations and something might happen eventually

Username: NotSoNewb82NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 1y ago

@Wolfram I’m trying to get to the stage where I’m like “c’est la vie”. It was a less than 24 hour relationship so it shouldn’t be hard. I’m aware that she is ND herself so just on that basis I’m not blaming her or taking it too hard. I had to come to NOCD to talk it over because I’m travelling solo and the friends I can speak to on this level have poor English skills. I hope the next person I have to explain it to will be my next partner, that would be nice. At least now when I do meet someone I don’t have to say I’ve been single for two decades. Saying that to someone can be intimidating or at least it felt that way to me.

Username: Wolfram Wolfram

Date posted: 1y ago

@NotSoNewb82 Maybe find a way to forgive her. My last therapist came up with an exercise to write w letter to those who have wronged me and then just burn it. They don't need our forgiveness, but we need to forgive. Helps us move on. As for women issues you're not alone 😂 my old friend sent me a meme out of the blue for some reason after seeing me out the other night. I can't tell if she's being awkward because of me or maybe she's treading lightly due to her new bf being there. I always thought I wouldn't been the awkward one with it but it's her 😂🤣 Also have someone who says she's only been with women chatting to me and she's stunning, really works out. Looks aren't everything though. Life 😅😣 As for telling someone about your issue with this woman, don't tell people you potentially like as just talking about it will come across as a red flag. Also I'd suggest not telling them you've been single for 20 years for no reason. Maybe say you were soul searching and looking for new perspectives on life to grow as a person before settling down? It's more appealing. You dont have to take the advice but thought I'd share it

Username: Wolfram Wolfram

Date posted: 1y ago

I would've *

Username: NotSoNewb82NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 1y ago

@Wolfram I hope your situation untangles nicely. It seems to be doing that. Thanks for trying to help. I am grateful.

Username: D23859

Date posted: 25w ago

I feel like no one relates or understands me

Sometimes when I post and don’t get any replies, I get extremely paranoid that im the only one with this problem and that no one can help because they don’t understand what im going through and just find me crazy, and I start thinking im a traitor to this app and that i’m just deranged. I feel like a lost cause and im scared that if I tell anyone what I went through, they’ll just be driven away from me and avoid me. It makes me feel so isolated and depressed.

Username: Zman5656

Date posted: 24w ago

35 and pausing life

I feel bit vulnerable to share this, but I feel it's important to voice a struggle i'm having (in case others are too). Per my current journey, i've decided (and have for quite some time) to not try and pursue relationships until I have figured out my "inner self" and have some more stability in my mental health. I think there's a common belief in society that getting into a relationship will solve all my problems cause i'll be happier with where I am instead of feeling lonely. I guess for me being aware of it is the first step- I have ambitions to have a partner/start a family- but I realize that takes a lot of emotional capacity and I feel I'm just not at a point where I can handle it. It sucks because it seems to go against what society is telling me to do, but I keep on reminding myself that is about my well being and mental health.

Username: veinsoul

Date posted: 22w ago

it’s just hard.

it’s always like this. I get to talk to someone, we chat, then stop chatting or get very slow replies. but I can’t complain when I said that if I don’t reply, I’m busy or dealing with stuff. everyone has their life & no one is obligated to reply to me. I have learned that I really am just alone. I don’t want to force anyone or be obsessed. this goes for online friends. I only have 4. but they haven’t replied to me in days/weeks/months maybe. honestly, this has helped me not becoming dependent and wait for a reply like I used to. I would go on worrying for a while if someone wouldn’t reply for a certain time. I wouldn’t tell them ofc but I would become anxious. as for real life, I guess I can say 1. maybe 2 but one of them was a friend from elementary and we only met up once after sophomore year of high school. we’re now in college (actually, she graduated already) & have met up with her that day. we updated each other on our lives. it was nice, but I don’t think it was the same ‘best friend’ friendship we had as kids/teens. we don’t talk anymore. (only if I view her stories on instagram and say something) the other one I could say is half online/half real life. I met him online and we met irl a month in. he’s a good guy and honestly the first person that I like as a friend. someone I can trust, I guess. not fully, but definitely can be a lot of myself around. he’s been busy with life as well. he’s not obligated to reply to me. this one, I rlly like talking to but again, life happens. so I stopped being ‘excited’ for a response. in the end, it’s just me. my pain and myself. if I can’t make any friends irl (or maybe new friends online)(don’t get me wrong, I like the 4 online friends I have. they’re dear to me. they are just busy) at the end of this year during school, I will just give up. I tried before in my previous semester but it never happened. I am just going to accept my solitude. all I want now is either to not be here (sometimes), get a bike and ride by myself, or I don’t know. I don’t find anything appealing at the moment. sometimes there will be a spark but it goes out quickly. I genuinely do not see a happy life in the future. even after I told my dad of a ‘plan’ I had to retire early and keep learning in college to feed my curiosity, I just think maybe I’m not fit for living. I’m just tired. I try. I don’t find joy in many things anymore. it’s just not interesting. I just want to crawl up in my bed (as I am now) and move to a different place. I just want peace. will it be death that I find peace? or maybe living by a lake? who knows. life needs to let me rest.

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Staying alone and lonely…

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