I think I’m gonna confess and ask my family

Ok so like already mentioned I’m extremely scared I might have sexually abused my dog in the past and now I feel terrible. I know back then my sister or even more family members were around and have already thought of asking my sister if she remembers sth. But just now my parents had called me for dinner and I just simply started to have tears running down my face because I feel so terrible and so of course my parents noticed and asked me if sth was wrong. My father doesn’t know I have ocd so I of course couldn’t blast out that I was scared I might have abused our dog and our dog was right next to me and that made me feel even worse. My mother kept asking if everything was alright bc the tears just didn’t stop flowing. At first I had excused it saying „oh that was just randomly in my eye I don’t know“ but the tears wouldn’t stop flowing and started forming in my other eye too so my parents knew sth was up. My mother asked me if I am being bullied at school or anything. If only she knew it’s even worse what I’m hiding. She said she would go upstairs after dinner and have a talk with me. Rn I’m sitting in my room and can’t stop crying anymore. But maybe she remembers this event or can ask my sister and maybe they can help me. I don’t know anymore I can’t deal with the uncertainty of this event. I don’t want to sexually abuse sb and I would never forgive myself for such a horrible crime. I keep hearing things from similar situations and people saying even worse things and then people responding by saying „you’re a different person now, everybody deserves a second chance“ but I’m not feeling this. If it had indeed happened the way I fear it, then I don’t want a second chance.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Please don't. Even if it feels like the most uncertain thing in the world, doing this compulsion won't help you.. I promise. Especially if your family doesn't understand that you have OCD. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt.

m1ch3ll3

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I ended up confessing and since my sister too has ocd and I’ve explained it to my mother too, they were quite understanding and my sister who was present back then said that nothing ever happened. I think I can trust her memory as she obviously would’ve immediately run up to my parents back then if sth had happened and she would be able to remember

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@m1ch3ll3 Alright. Glad to hear everything is okay.

ivrec

Date posted: 1y

I know you seemed to be under so much stress and feel relieved from “confessing”. I hope you think about the fact that your sister said nothing happened. OCD had you stressing about a non event. Looking at OCD for what it is helps when it throws lies at you again. It is so hard not to give into reassurance and compulsions but any you do you drain the strength away from OCD and give it back to yourself. It takes compassion and courage to face OCD. Hoping the best for you.

m1ch3ll3

Date posted: 1y

I confessed and asked my sister who confirmed that nothing was wrong

emma345

Date posted: 20w

Scared to interact with my cat because of zocd

NSFW 17f So basically I did something sexual to the cat when I was younger. It wasn't like full on bestiality, my privates weren't touching the cat and I wasn't touching the cats privates but it was still sexual. I didn't know what I was doing was wrong. It didn't harm the cat in any way, but of course it's still horrible. So I developed real event ocd that ruined my life complitely. Most of the time I don't think I will male it to 20. Sometimes it's a living hell. I developed it more than a year ago and I barely even remember this year cause I was so consumed with guilt it was the only thing in my head. So i also developed zoophilia ocd because of it. And I feel so bad cause I can't interact with my cat anymore. Because she wants to and I have to ignore her. Slowly I started to be scared to let her on my bed. So I stopped. Then in my room. Stopped doing that too. I still tried to give her some attention just outside of my room. Then I got scared to touch her. So I stopped doing that, but I used her brush to pet her with it and her toys to play with her so i don't physically touch her. Then my ocd went like but what if you are subconsciously using her for sexual gratification when you look at her? So now I can't even look at my cat. I look away when she is around, block my sight with a hand, close my eyes or if I can I leave. But the heartbreaking part is. Before I remembered what I did I was giving my cat a lot of attention. Like everyone says I'm her favorite and she only allows me to hold her and pet her the certain ways. So for all that time she is desperately trying to get my attention. She jumps on my rooms door, meows for a long time, tries to sneak in my room and stuff like that. And It's so sad I just have to ignore her. Especially cause she doesn't understands why. She was getting so much love and then randomly she is being ignored?? idk her real age cause we took her from the street, but she lives with us for 13 years, so she is not young. She is pretty healthy so I don't think she is going to die any soon but still. if I never get over it she will spend her last years of life ignored. and this makes me want to cry and want to throw up. but I don't know what to do. if I touch her I start freaking out and convincing myself that I used her somehow for sexual stuff even if I didn't do anything like that. I'm so scared. and also sad for her. and I miss my cat tbh. like everhtime I have to close my door when she tried to enter I feel so bad. but I'm so scared. because after what I did to her I'm already a monster. I don't want to add anything else. but I also feel bad for ignoring her.

danielllll

Date posted: 16w

Feeling extremely guilty and don’t know what to do

I think I know what honestly is what caused my OCD. I’ve never told anyone this but I have to if I want help. When I was either 10 or 11, I think 10 I was at my family’s thanksgiving dinner. Around this time I discovered porn and got addicted. I would watch porn and read erotica. Because of this I guess I wanted to experiment. I feel absolutely horrible just thinking about this but I was playing around with my little cousin, he was around 7 I think and I remember we were playing chase or hide and seek, and I grabbed him and hugged him (something I never done before), and got a boner. I did this for pleasure. That’s all I did that was sexual but I feel so horrible. I try to give myself grace as I was only 10 and didn’t know the consequences of something so disgusting. I keep thinking “what if I went farther and hurt him?”. I talk to him sometimes and he seems comfortable with me and I think he doesn’t even remember this ever happened and just thought I hugged him for some reason all those years ago. I am NOT attracted to him at all but I think this incident and remembering it when I was 14 has caused my OCD such as POCD for all these years. I am 18 now but I feel absolutely horrible. And now it’s even worse because I have been invited to his 15th birthday party in Mexico. I’m traveling all the way to another country just to be near him! Obviously I know I won’t touch him or be innopropriate with him. But what if he has felt uncomfortable with me all this time? He seems fine with me and not uncomfortable around me but still. If I feel as if I go to this trip, I am a horrible person. I don’t know what to do. Am I a horrible person for what I did and continuing to be around him? I remember reading Reddit and Quora stories of similar people who felt horrible and people told them to not feel bad as they were only children and they learned and now know that was wrong and that to not tell anyone as it could only make things extremely awkward.Please help. I know COCSA is a very serious topic that harms people and I feel like a horrible perpetrator now.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

I GUESS ITS OVER FOR ME

Hey i dont even know if i belong here or not because i dont think so i have ocd i am just making an excuse for the past crimes i have committed i am 18 now and about to be 19 so just wanted to share something i know for sure i have done this crime when i was 13 or 14 because why would i think and feel guilty over an act i have never committed for 5 years so yeah i came to know about this thing OCD and now i am putting my crimes to it and false memory that kinda stuff but in my mind its always like that "you have done those acts i have proof" after asking my sister 3 times that do you even remember a glimpse of my inapproriate behaviour towards you but no she has answered "nope if i did i would tell you i never felt uncomfortable around you " well how may she remember when she was sleeping when i did those acts and yeah she was 12 too so she must be a deep sleeper well my mind have too much proof that i am a sexual abuser i dont know why i am still typing but just wanted to know do i deserve to live anymore because according to me i am done i cant tolerate these disgusting thoughts about my sister and i may be a threat to her and i dont deserve to live in this family i love them so much but i cant do it anymore i am such a monster they deserve so much better

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