I need reassurance.

Ive already posted abt this but basically for the past two days I’ve been extremely afraid I might have sexually abused my dog a few years ago. To imagine what and how I mean it: So basically back then I would see her like she was my child or sth. And so, just like many parents do, I wanted her to lay on top of me and then I wanted to cuddle her. Now is the thing that abt a month ago I had also remembered this again and suddenly was like „Did I see that as sth sexual?“ and like back then I also still remembered the situation in a way that everything was fine and I simply had her lay on top of me. But the day before yesterday I then had the intrusive thought „what if I had rubbed my genital against hers??“ and ever since then this has been haunting me. It’s not sth I would do. And the chance is also really low bc due to a few points it’s barely possible (and yes I’ve been thinking for so long I even made myself a contra-pro list): •fully clothed of course •floor is really hard so moving wouldn’t be possible anyway without having the most insane back pain afterwards •my dog stood up after maybe 2 seconds • I don’t know if she had ever even laid down on top of me bc she’s a quite huge dog and usually I remember she wouldn’t do this so if she had ended up doing so, she would’ve stood up right after definitely •somebody was around when it had happened. I think it was my sister. I’m too scared to ask her but she definitely would’ve started screaming at me if sth bad had happened •I never had the intentions to do this • up until the day before yesterday I was 100% sure of the situation and never had any doubts if anything sexual was up besides way before the doubt if I may have seen that as sth sexual •it’s just simply not possible bc why would my dog lay herself on top of me in a way of touching my genital with hers? It’s not possible without a human forcing an animal to do so. • it’s gross and I’ve always been aware of not doing inappropriate things with actual human beings (back then I was 11-13, I can’t remember when exactly it had happened). •keep having intrusive thoughts showing me doing things in order to get her to lay on top of me like this but the only thing I actually remember doing is that I tried to get her to 1) even lay down bc like I said she doesn’t really understand it and if she had actually ended up laying on top of me, it would’ve taken a long time to get her to do so and she would’ve stood up right again immediately 2) lay with her head close to mine so I could actually cuddle her. But I still keep having those weird images. Up until yesterday I didn’t have them and I had never remembered the situation this way. •keep having intrusive thoughts abt my genital touching hers, but I’ve always found that gross and don’t touch her genital even when not for any other reasons besides normal ones bc it’s disgusting and I also can’t ever remember feeling that. Like how on earth would that work? It’s just disgusting. But like the thing is, I just can’t let it be. I can’t accept this uncertainty because it’s eating me up. I can’t go outside with the chance of me being a sexual abuser. Yesterday I even yet again had the thought of ending my life bc I felt I can’t live with this guilt. And I keep on analysing my dogs behaviour to see if she might have any trauma regarding this. For example a few minutes ago I came up to her and started to see if see did this kind of shock move when I touch her at her back close to where her genitals are (yk the back with the fur of course, I didn’t touch her genitals bc obviously that would make all my guilt even worse, I don’t want her to suffer bc of me). She didn’t move one bit and was happy to have me around. But today I also remembered that she doesn’t enjoy getting bathed and I don’t know if I remember this right, but I think she also doesn’t enjoy being bathed and cleaned at her groin area and now I’m scared she has a trauma. I think she has been hating this for way longer than this is ago but I think I’d need to ask my mother and sister to see if the timeline matches. And now I just feel horrible. I mean there are many things that she doesn’t enjoy and she also doesn’t like being bathed in general. And the bathing around groin area is mostly when she for example has a lot of dirt there so maybe she’s referring to that but I still feel bad. I know I’m asking for reassurance but I feel I need this one. Do you think this has happened or is my brain making it up?

False Memory OCD

VGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I’m sorry you’re struggling. This is the hard work of recovery from OCD. I know how hard it is, allowing these feelings/thoughts to be there and doing nothing about them. When I’m stuck, trying to be sure, resist compulsions, resist asking for reassurance, ruminating etc, I allow all those thoughts and feelings and I pick something I truly value ( something I would want to do if I wasn’t stuck😀) then I go do it. No matter how I feel. In the past I would go do that thing with tears streaming down my face, but I knew it was how I would break free from OCD and get to live my life. You are stronger than you know, do your best to engage in value driven activities, let the uncertainty be there. Wishing you all the best!

m1ch3ll3

Date posted: 1y

@VGH Yea but like, the thing is that I keep worrying if that might’ve happened as that’s obviously a horrible crime and would make me a sex offender. Do you think this might’ve happened based on the points I listed? Do you think my brain is just making this up and changing the story? Why would I not have remembered this sooner if it had happened? Up until now I had always remembered it differently

garebear423

Date posted: 22w

Tw: beastility, sexual assault

I'm worried that I sexual assulted or r*ped my dog when I was 17 and I'm 18 now. This memory, has came up multiple and changes rapidly, it says that I was also saying very disturbing things to the dog, calling her good and weird disgusting things like that. I don't know if I can live with myself if this is true.

emma345

Date posted: 20w

Scared to interact with my cat because of zocd

NSFW 17f So basically I did something sexual to the cat when I was younger. It wasn't like full on bestiality, my privates weren't touching the cat and I wasn't touching the cats privates but it was still sexual. I didn't know what I was doing was wrong. It didn't harm the cat in any way, but of course it's still horrible. So I developed real event ocd that ruined my life complitely. Most of the time I don't think I will male it to 20. Sometimes it's a living hell. I developed it more than a year ago and I barely even remember this year cause I was so consumed with guilt it was the only thing in my head. So i also developed zoophilia ocd because of it. And I feel so bad cause I can't interact with my cat anymore. Because she wants to and I have to ignore her. Slowly I started to be scared to let her on my bed. So I stopped. Then in my room. Stopped doing that too. I still tried to give her some attention just outside of my room. Then I got scared to touch her. So I stopped doing that, but I used her brush to pet her with it and her toys to play with her so i don't physically touch her. Then my ocd went like but what if you are subconsciously using her for sexual gratification when you look at her? So now I can't even look at my cat. I look away when she is around, block my sight with a hand, close my eyes or if I can I leave. But the heartbreaking part is. Before I remembered what I did I was giving my cat a lot of attention. Like everyone says I'm her favorite and she only allows me to hold her and pet her the certain ways. So for all that time she is desperately trying to get my attention. She jumps on my rooms door, meows for a long time, tries to sneak in my room and stuff like that. And It's so sad I just have to ignore her. Especially cause she doesn't understands why. She was getting so much love and then randomly she is being ignored?? idk her real age cause we took her from the street, but she lives with us for 13 years, so she is not young. She is pretty healthy so I don't think she is going to die any soon but still. if I never get over it she will spend her last years of life ignored. and this makes me want to cry and want to throw up. but I don't know what to do. if I touch her I start freaking out and convincing myself that I used her somehow for sexual stuff even if I didn't do anything like that. I'm so scared. and also sad for her. and I miss my cat tbh. like everhtime I have to close my door when she tried to enter I feel so bad. but I'm so scared. because after what I did to her I'm already a monster. I don't want to add anything else. but I also feel bad for ignoring her.

emma345

Date posted: 16w

Please help zocd

tw: nsfw 17f I have a real even ocd from a sexual event with an animal (my cat) from where I was younger. Remembering it ruined my life and made it a living hell. It was bad. It's not one of those innocent events people always assume because I have ocd and then they get all surprised when it was actually bad and sexual. (animal wasn't harmed though) So basically I developed I fear of interacting or even looking at animals after I remembered so I was avoiding my cat like crazy, but then I realized that it's cruel to ignore an animal who wants love and attention, so I forced myself to overcome it kinda. I basically downloaded a habit tracker where I mark when I was able to pet my cat cause while it's triggering I want to give my cat love and I'm trying to pet her everyday So yesterday I was petting the cat. And she was extremely enthusiastic about it. Like she was almost throwing herself on me to get more pets like kinda agressive at this point to get pets. I started thinking how animals go in heat in spring. But she is like sterilized so I wasnt sure its possible for her. Like maybe they are just more active in spring? But what if the pets are somehow sexual for the cat? Then I thought maybe I shouldn't pet her then cause that's wrong. But then I thought like who cares and also then it will be like this the whole spring should I just not touch her the whole spring and ignore her again? I was also tired a bit so I wasn't thinking it all through that much Now I'm freaking out so bad. Like I knew there was a possibility that it was sexual for the cat and still continued petting her I didn't stop. It's so bad. Like I thought its whatever since it's not sexual for me but now I'm freaking out. Like the whole me being a better person and learning on my mistakes after that one earlier event was for nothing if I was able to do something like this I'm freaking out so bad

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